Letter to the Donald from Cyril
President Donald Trump’s letter to his South African counterpart on 7 July reads like something the mob might formally pen if they were in the White House and if, too, they had a sticky keyboard throwing up random capitalisations. President Ramaphosa might like to do the world a favour and reply in the manner below. Bullies usually respect those who stand up to them.
His Excellency
President Donald Trump
The White House
United States of America
18 July 2025
Dear Mr President,
Thank you for your letter of 7 July. Your description of South Africa as a “great country” is warmly received and “right back atcha!” as I am told they say in Texas.
I see that it worries you that we sell more goods to you than you sell to us, hence your decision to unilaterally impose a 30% tariff in your efforts to Make America Great Again. We are not sure this move will assist you in achieving that noble objective unless we have underestimated our country’s effect on your economic calculations.
Since you have not mentioned other influences affecting your pronouncement, for instance concerning our relations with Iran, Hamas or Israel, I can only presume that YOUR DECISION has been made on commercial grounds alone. This is a relief as it spares me having to once again ask our Department of International Relations and Cooperation to once more explain the riddle of our foreign policy.
On the trade question, as a businessman, you will appreciate that this situation arises because we produce a large quantity of goods that you want, at prices that you can afford. You Do Not Produce many goods that we want at Prices We Can Afford. There are two ways in which we can rectify this situation. The first is that we can SELL YOU FEWER GOODS, and sell them instead to other countries, such as the People’s Republic of China, which is keen to buy them. I am told you might not favour this option because Xi does not play golf, but needs must. The second is that you can REDUCE THE PRICES of the goods that you wish to sell to us.
I look forward to receiving your suggestions on this matter.
Sincerely,
MC Ramaphosa